Long distance relationships have to be almost as bad to society as
catfishing. It is such a burdensome and taxing experience, it’s extremely
difficult to understand why anyone would put themselves through such an
experience. Before we delve into this and I fully break down each reason
this type of relationship is pointless and doesn’t work, we must
understand that I am referring to a long distance relationship that is
greater than two months.
It is important that we make this distinction because there are always
those people who have been separated for two weeks and think they
survived a long distance relationship. That is just bush league in
comparison to the types of relationships people have. Some even last for
years, when they seldom see each other and their only forms of
communication come via texts, phone calls and social media.
Such relationships require much effort and in the end many people realize
that it isn’t even worth it. Many people go into their freshman year of
college expecting a relationship with their high school sweet heart to last 4
years without much face-to-face contact. Although this is great for
people who are really dedicated, it a pointless experience for most who
bother torturing themselves with it. Share your thoughts below.
Sunday, 17 November 2013
The Reasons Why Your Long Distance Relationship Will Never Work No Matter How Hard You Try
How Do I Tell Him It's Over?
Ending a relationship is never easy. Even if you've only been dating
a couple of months, the idea of calling it off yourself can produce
sweaty palms, guilt and propel you to stand in front of the mirror
rehearsing lines. You might wonder, "If only he'd breakup with me
first, I'd be off the hook." But no, he is growing more attached
while you are looking forward to moving on.
If you are thinking about breaking up with someone who you grew
close to, enjoyed the time you spend together, or even loved, how to
tell him it's over may weigh heavy on your mind. Yes, you want to
say the right thing, let him down easy and not hurt him beyond
repair. Nor do you want saying what you need to say to shatter you
or turn the event into a hate session. Careful consideration and
forethought can ease the process. Here are some tips that you may wish
to consider for ending a relationship on a positive note:
Be Sure Breaking Up Is What You Want to Do
If you just had a big argument the night before and now you want
revenge thinking that telling him it's over will show him you mean
business, you may need to curb your impulses. Give yourself a few days
and decide if breaking up is really what you want to do. Sometimes women
think that the threat of abandonment will turn their man around to
appreciate them a bit more.
If breaking up has been on your mind for quite a while and you have come
to the conclusion it is best that you part as friends, then by all means as
a woman you have just as much right to end the relationship as he does.
Choose the Right Place and the Right Time
A phone or text message is not the way to say, "I think we should stop
seeing each other." A young man recently sent me his girlfriend's last
text message in which she terminated their yearlong relationship by
saying, "I just can't do this gooey thing anymore." Though you might
have considered texting, you possess the maturity to know that a face-
to-face conversation would set a more respectful tone. Plan to meet in a
neutral public place, preferably somewhere you have not been as a couple.
A coffee shop is better than a restaurant because the last thing on your
mind will be food. Find a table in the corner where you can have a bit of
privacy and the stage is set for you to have a serious and heart-felt
conversation. If you meet at your place or his it is a set up for a long
drawn out dramatic end.
Timing is also important to consider. For instance, don't set the time
during his lunch hour knowing he will be in a rush to get back to work or
during finals week when he has to cram for tests in the days ahead. You
wouldn't want it on your conscience that you caused him to fail and
ruined his career dreams for the future.
Bury the Hatchet Before You Meet
Women break up with their guys usually for good reasons. And you may
have a list of things you just got tired of. You may also have a long list
of resentments some of which you never told him in the moment. Thinking
now is the time to vent a long list of grievances will only add more insult
to the situation. Keep your list down to three reasons why the relationship
isn't working for you anymore.
Be Honest About the Reasons Why You Want to Call It Off
Honesty is the best policy when stating your reasons. If you lie to save
face, he'll probably find out the truth from one of your friends. Make it
clear that you spent considerable time in coming to your decision and that
you first had to be honest with yourself about your feelings and
expectations of the relationship.
Don't Kill Him with Kindness or Think You Can Mentor Him
If you are like many women, you may feel a bit guilty being the one to
call it off. You want to be kind, but sweetening the conversation with too
many apologies may only confuse him. He'll think there's a chance you'll
come to your senses, forgive yourself and come back running to him.
Never use the break up session to give him advice as if you are coaching
him for a future relationship. He'll learn the lesson surrounding your
break up in his own way and in his own time.
Consider His Baggage as Well as Yours Before Opening Your Mouth
If you were intimate for long enough you know your guy's weaknesses and
vulnerable spots well. He may have issues about being made to seem wrong
or has a bit of abandonment phobia because his mother left him as a
child. If so, you will want to choose your words carefully so that you don't
push any of his buttons. Stress that the bond of friendship is what you
want now and that you have done a great deal of soul-searching, looking
at your previous patterns in relationship before coming to your decision.
Expand on that soul-searching process a bit so that he knows for sure
that the break up was not a hasty decision.
Listen to His Response Compassionately and Learn From It
As long as he is being respectful, it is important to let him have his say.
You may not like all that he tells you, but if you are bent on remaining
friends this will be a good test as to whether that will be possible. Don't
let yourself be swayed in the moment to give the relationship another
try. If he is extremely attached to you, he may try to make a good case
for the two of you remaining together. Tell him you need space and time
to consider what he has said.
Be Appreciative of His Friendship
Although many experts consider it inadvisable to pursue a friendship with
someone you were previously romantically involved with, continuing the
friendship is not impossible. In fact, it is preferable in cases when you
stand on common ground and are connected soul to soul. If you valued your
guy for his qualities and all he contributed to your life, you will want to
let him know how much you appreciated all that he did. With time, the
words of appreciation you express at the end of your romance will hold
more weight than the fact that you had to end it.
Wednesday, 24 July 2013
Choosing Mr. Right
How to Know if Mr.Right Isn't Really Mr.Right
Girls, how many times have you been in a relationship with a guy who you thought was the perfect man? How many times have you had to pick up the pieces of all your hopes and dreams for the future you were "supposed" to have with this person? Yeah, breaking up can be tough, but it can be tougher if you actually saw a future with this person. So here are a few tips on how to recognize the frogs "before" you actually kiss them.
StepsTips and Warnings
1
Know what you're looking for in a future husband and don't settle because he seems "okay." You don't want a man who's just okay, do you? No! You want Mr. Right! Start by making a list of good qualities that you want in a man, differences between you that you can work out, and deal breakers - the things you just can't live with. It's fine if he likes pizza and you don't, or if you think bowling is loads of excitement and he thinks it's a drag - these are activities you can share with other friends, but they aren't fundamental to the relationship. If you are religious and he's an all out atheist, it won't work. Love shouldn't be conditional, and it makes no sense changing who you are for someone else. Guys can be tricky and if you see particular qualities in them that don't add up with your original plan, dump him! It can only lead to heartbreak in the future. Allow yourself to turn back at the first signs of a shipwreck even if you like this guy a whole lot. It will be better for you in the long run if you can be strong enough very early on to realize that the differences you've already seen will mean the relationship is doomed.
2
Don't stick around with a guy who is manipulative and controlling. He can say things like: "If you break up with me, you'll regret it, because no one can make you happier than me." or "If you won't have sex with me, then you don't love me as much as I love you." This person is officially a walking time bomb, and this is also a pretty good indication that he is immature and not ready for a relationship. Again, love should be unconditional. Your desire to spend a little time out with your girls one night of the month does not mean you don't love him enough. A guy who uses this phrase is someone you should run from immediately! Be your own person. "The oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other's shadow," said Kahlil Gibran and, he was completely right. You have the right to remain the same person you always were, and if your man can't appreciate that, then he is not "Mr. Right." One.
3
Beware of rushing into a relationship. Likewise, beware of being strung along with no commitment. If you met a guy this weekend in a club, and within a month or so, you guys are "together," it is likely to end just as quickly as it began. On the other hand, if you've been "talking" and going out with a guy for 6 months and he hasn't even brought up getting together, it's probably not going to happen. A guy who can't pull it together to call you his girlfriend after 6 months will probably still not be ready for marriage after 6 years!
4
Trust yourself. If you're crazy about the man, but for some reason, your alarm bells tell you he isn't as crazy about you, trust your intuition. Be direct and ask him about his feelings. Tell him you are ready to settle down with him and ask if he feels the same way about you. If he can't or won't give you a straight answer, leave. Get out of the relationships and fast! It's a woman's instinct that allows her to tell when something is wrong. It doesn't make sense being in a relationship that isn't built on trust.
5
Communicate. If a guy speaks to you too much about his past relationships and you feel uncomfortable with it, let him know it's bothering you. If he continues to talk about his ex, especially if she dumped him, then break it off. It's obvious to you that he needs time to think about whether he is really ready to move on.
6
Don't rush into sex. Dating is the way we decide whether this person is right for us. Women tend to view sex as a very intimate act, while men aren't nearly as warm and fuzzy about it. No matter how gorgeous or perfect he seems to be in the first two to three months, you have to remind yourself that you really haven't had a chance to know him deeply. Wait until you really know this man before you share this very intimate part of yourself with him. If, after a month or two, it turns out that, gorgeous as he is, he's not Mr. Right, it will be much easier to let him go if you haven't been sleeping with him. If he pressures you before you are ready, dump him. You need a mature man who is willing to respect your wishes on this important subject.
7
Recognize disrespect as a warning. A man who really loves you will never disrespect you in front of others, especially early in the relationship. While gentle teasing is acceptable, ragging on your flat chest, calling attention to the fact that you've gained a few pounds, or making you the butt of his jokes should be a warning to you. A man in love will not only never disrespect you himself, but he won't stand for others saying rude things to you or about you. If you really want that knight in shining armor, don't accept a neanderthal who doesn't know how to treat a woman. This extends to his treatment of your friends> If he's calling your best friend an "ugly ho" or some other nonsense, that is disrespectful. Tell him so, and insist he behave in a respectful manner where you and your loved ones are concerned. The same goes for you - don't take advantage of him by making pointed comments about him, either. Verbal abuse is still abuse, and girls can do it to guys just as easily as guys can do it to girls.
8
Examine his relationship with his mother. You can tell a lot about a man by the way he treats his her, and his whole family. If he's too attached, he's a mama's boy and you'll have to deal with his mom as long as you're together. If he's dismissive or rude to her, he's going to be that way with you. If he idolizes her, beware. You will find yourself trying to live up to that goal that was set by his mother, and that is not only stressful, but impossible. It's about finding the perfect medium, a guy who looks after his mother but doesn't worship or depend on her fully - and by fully, that means things like housing, rent money, food money, car and clothes.
Tips
If a guy suddenly stops calling as much as he did and stops fussing over you or wanting to go out, he has lost interest. Don't waste your time crying over spilled milk or trying to reason him back into the feeling the way he once did. Call and let him know you've moved on but most of all be strong and resolute. Show no weakness, you can cry it off later when he can't see or hear.
60 Helpful? 6
Everyone out there has a soul mate and there's someone who will love you unconditionally. Be patient and love will come from some unexpected place when you least expect it to.
75 Helpful? 11
Remember it's important to know who you are before you decide to look for Mr. Right. If you find that you're kissing far too many frogs, take a break and spend sometime putting yourself into focus. A breakup is rarely one person's fault, but sometimes it's good to think back on what you did wrong to find out how you can do better in the future.
44 Helpful? 5
Remember men and women think differently, and relationships call for compromise. There's an important distinction, however, between compromising on the details of a relationship, like whether to have pizza or Chinese food, and compromising your values and beliefs. Pizza is one thing, your faith, integrity, and values are another.
56 Helpful? 7
When you decide to break it off with a guy, be humane and tactful. Even if you think he's a loser, don't tell him that. Say that you aren't ready for a committed relationship, or you don't think it's a good fit. Remember, what you do comes back to you and don't be harsh. You don't have to give a dissertation on it, but giving him some reason is better than just breaking it off without explanation.
41 Helpful? 11
Think about all the times he made you cry in comparison to how he made you laugh. Did you really forget about how he hit you, cheated on you, betrayed you, than abandoned you? Think about it, and that gives you a view of what your future would have been with him.
HOW TO GET YOUR EX-BOYFRIEND BACK
HOW TO GET YOUR EX-BOYFRIEND BACK
You thought he was your soulmate. You were sure you were going to spend the rest of your lives together -- but you broke up, and now you want him back. Follow these tips to get your ex-boyfriend back and keep him this time.
Do you really want him back?
Yearning to get back together because we are lonely and hurting after a breakup is common. If some time has passed, carefully weigh if you really want him back. Do you just miss having a boyfriend, or do you miss him in particular? Do you want your ex now just because you can't have him? Don't glamorize your relationship as you look back on it. Was it healthy? Did he (or you) cheat? Is it really going to be any better or different if you get back together?
Look within.
Once you have decided that you really want him back, it's time to get to work. What made him fall in love with you in the beginning? How have you changed? Have you developed any bad habits? Did you make any critical mistakes? Were you too demanding, insecure or unappreciative? If you changed (in a bad way), you'll need to work on yourself first before you have any chance of getting him back. Feel good about yourself and work through any issues. If you are going to get back together with him, you want to be healthy and baggage free.
Initiate contact.
If you've remained friends, initiating contact is easy. If you haven't talked to him since the breakup, however, then you'll have to make some effort. Don't text him or leave a message on his Facebook wall. Even in the digital age, face-to-face contact is still best. Do some investigation (don't stalk) and find out where he's going to be. Make plans to "coincidentally" be there at the same time and run into him.
Keep it simple.
If he is open to conversation, keep it light-hearted and casual. Don't get into the details of the breakup, especially in public. Let him know that you miss his friendship, and remind him of a memory together. By using your shared past to your advantage, you may be able to trigger those old feelings. Keep the conversation short and simple. Invite him to a group event in the near future, and leave it at that: "Some of us are hanging out at Ben's on Friday. You should stop by." His reaction will tell you if he's interested in seeing you again.
Don't beg.
Crying, whining and begging isn't going to win his affections. You are just going to show him that you are insecure and needy. Men want a confident, strong woman who has her own interests and shares some of his. They don't want a clingy, desperate woman with no life.
Apologize.
If he's receptive the next time you see him, apologize for the things that you did wrong in your relationship and express your regret. Let him know that you have been working on improving yourself and breaking bad habits. Don't get weepy or sappy. Just apologize, and then move back to more light-hearted conversation. If he wants to talk more about your breakup (or your future), he will.
Let him know you are interested.
You don't have to blurt out, "I love you and can't live without you" -- but do let him know that you are interested in more than just friendship. Laugh at his jokes. Express interest in his job. Bake him some cookies. Flirt. Do what you need to do to show you are interested in trying again. If he's interested at all, he'll pick up on your signals. Though trying to seduce him may be tempting, falling back into your bed again doesn't mean that he's going to fall back in love with you.
Accept the breakup.
If he makes it clear that he's not interested in getting back together, accept the breakup with grace. Move on, but keep in touch with him. Continue to work on your own personal happiness. Allow yourself to date others (even if you don't get serious with anyone else). Being strong, confident and happy without him may make you more desirable. ...